What is going on?

So there I was, exactly one week ago sitting in the hospital listening to the doctor telling me I have breast cancer. What?!? What about my kids?  What about my sweet husband? This is just weird and completely unexpected.

It all started Tuesday night. While lying in bed, I was feeling around my breast and found that one was bigger than the other and much harder. Red flag! Jelmer says I need to go to the doctor in the morning, just to be sure. But after feeling the lump and talking about a doctor, my mind started racing 10million miles per second. I couldn’t sleep; thoughts flashing through my mind one after the other…too fast to back track. So I got up and put some frankincense oil and cellular complex oil on my whole breast.

That made me feel better and ease my mind.

Wednesday morning I get an appointment at 9:30. The doctor notices a clear difference and asks me when I noticed. You know, I’m always on the go and I never really pay attention to my own health. That’s not so good, I know. But when I thought about it, I noticed my breast was hard and swollen about 2 weeks prior, during my fertile period. I just brushed it off as part of my cycle. But it never went away.

The doctor thinks I should go to the hospital and get it checked out. He calls and gets me an appointment for the next day. Now it’s getting serious and my thoughts are racing. On the whole, I’m still positive, just wanting to know what is going on.

With  seven children it’s not so easy to change your schedule and make sure they are all taken care of if you have to up and leave.

Thankfully we have a network of wonderful friends who can help. One of our sweet friends was able to be at our house early Thursday morning to watch the two youngest and be there for lunch when the others came home.

With the youngest taken care of and the others in school, we set off for the hospital and were expected at 8:10. The waiting room was quite empty that early in the morning.

First we were sent to surgery to meet with the doctor and have a preliminary exam. She was positive and thought it might be a cyst. But we wouldn’t know without further tests. So off to radiology we went to have the full shabang!

  • Mammogram
  • Ultrasound
  • Cell extraction

I’ve never had a mammogram in my life and, can I say, ouch! If I didn’t have active cancer before, I’m sure that thing would have squeezed it out. I cannot see how this can be effective in looking at cells that are dangerous to the body. It seems like it would make the situation worse.

After being squeezed and pressed, I went into the next room to lie on the table and wait for an ultrasound. The radiologist came in and started looking into the situation and, even though I wasn’t at an angle to see everything, I could see at least 3 dark spots. Oh no.

She saved some pictures, measured the spots and then sent the assistent to get some needles. This shouldn’t hurt, it’s a small needle. And you know what? The needle didn’t hurt. But since she had to move it around to suck out the cells, it did start hurting, just a little. My poor breast was going to be sore.

After three,(yes 3!) extractions, the radiologist told me she hoped to not see me again and sent me on my way. She wasn’t really the cheery type. I hope she had a better day after that.

We had to wait for 45 minutes for the results, so we went to the cafeteria and got some hot chocolate. It amazed me at how UNHEALTHY the food was there. It was all comfort food. You’d think in a hospital where people come to treat illness, the least they could do is provide healthy sustenance. But then, it is a huge money machine, the medical industry. Better to keep the people in need of care.

After 45 minutes, we received an envelope and were sent back to the doctor we started with. When we got to the waiting room, this time it was full.

We were called back into the examination room and waited for a while. I finally heard the doctor in the hall asking someone to come in with her. Uh oh, I thought, this isn’t all good if it involves teamwork.

The doctor comes in with a serious face and cuts to the chase. She doesn’t mince words when she says that she has no good news for me. All three cell samples they took in radiology are malignant (bad). I have cancer in at least two places in my breast and up into my armpit.



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